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© Copyright 1997, Jim Loy
I have a theory that the leading cause of suicide in America, is Coca Cola's "Fumble - Play Again" contest. Here's the scenario: Your team is on the 17 yard line, and you've just fumbled for the 50th consecutive time, and your coach (Coke) wants you to play again. He's a bigger loser than you are.
I don't even know what a winning Coke bottle looks like. It probably says, "You fumbled again, but a teammate (who doesn't happen to be a loser like you) recovered it in the end zone for a touchdown. So, you've lucked out and won a chance to win a bottle of Coke. Lots of luck, sucker."
I used to participate in this contest. I longed for a simple "Incomplete pass, at least you didn't fumble!" or "Fumble, but due to a mistake by the time-keeper, we have to replay that down!" But, I don't participate anymore. Oh, I still drink Coke. It tastes way better than Pepsi (according to a taste test). But, I don't participate in their contest. Of course, I'm curious, so I look to see if I would have won. And, I suppose, if I would have won, I might give the winning Coke bottle to some more deserving scum of the earth.
Comment: I also call this stupid contest, the "Fumble, why not drink Pepsi?" sweepstakes.
Update: I recently won two 20 ounce Coke products, in a later contest. So maybe these contests are not so bad, after all.